remember what your mom used to do on sundays? used to be she went to church as often she could, before her work made her sundays too tired, and then you kept with fights more than you kept with church, and she didn't want much to do going alone to sunday service. so she would just read out loud by the radio while we made a mess by the sink, either i was cleaning you up or you were telling me off or both.
there was this one thing she would read out to us often. it was, what was it. colossians? romans? "so now it is no longer i who do it, but sin that dwells within me. for i know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh."
[ for i have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. for i do not do the good i want, but the evil i do not want is what i keep on doing. now if i do what i do not want, it is no longer i who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
maybe sarah rogers knew something he didn't. ]
Edited 2024-01-09 10:06 (UTC)
i, an atheist, am feeling so persecuted for my lack of christian knowledge right now
[ jesus, and pun absolutely intended, christ, bucky. ]
pretty sure no one in the bible considered that actual evil brainwashing was a thing that anyone'd have to be worried about happening, bucky.
[ or like. maybe they'd see it as the same as being possessed, in which case, still, there's a difference between the demon inhabiting the body and the actual human soul, right? look steve was as devout a catholic as anybody in their neighborhood but this is all a bit much, even for him. ]
is possession of the spirit not a big thing? we had neighbors threatening fire and brimstone and god's holy wrathful exorcisms on us every time we ended up drinking in their backlot, you remember?
god save the kids, 'cause the adults couldn't.
i don't know. i don't know. i feel like i'm just holding you back. like that's all i've been doing all this time, and i just never figured it out 'til now.
fuck it straight to hell, bucky, you know i'd be dead a million times over without you. you kept me alive when i was too sick and stubborn to take care of myself, you kept me alive through the war—you kept me alive when you didn't even know my name anymore. all you've ever been is good for me.
i'm the man i am cuz i had you with me showing me the good parts of the world. without you i'd have only ever seen what there was to hate in it. i knew love through you before i knew what it was i was learning.
[ it's a visceral thing, to feel the force of steve rogers' conviction in full force even through something so simple as a text. but that's the thing, isn't it? steve was the kind of person who got to the heart of the matter with such laser-focused clarity that you can't help but be drawn to him. it's breath-taking to witness in all its forms. ]
i would've done all of that for you anyway, steve. you're too good for the world to even have.
[ and what am i, if not a gaping wound in your heart and soul? ]
i want to worth it for you. as close to it as i can get.
[ hoo boy steve got heated there. he has to take a few minutes to compose himself and make sure his phone's okay—he was stabbing the screen with his thumbs somewhat as he was typing, there's a non-zero chance he's started some cracks in the screen—but in his defense bucky should know how strongly steve feels about him by now. "holding you back"—what a bunch of bullshit. ]
you are worth it. you don't have to do anything to earn it, you just are. same as i was worth it to you before the serum.
[ ...he assumes. look, there are things that must be constants across the multiverse, right, that's gotta be one of them. otherwise why is bucky even here? ]
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no subject
used to be she went to church as often she could, before her work made her sundays too tired, and then you kept with fights more than you kept with church, and she didn't want much to do going alone to sunday service. so she would just read out loud by the radio while we made a mess by the sink, either i was cleaning you up or you were telling me off or both.
there was this one thing she would read out to us often.
it was, what was it. colossians? romans?
"so now it is no longer i who do it, but sin that dwells within me. for i know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh."
[ for i have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. for i do not do the good i want, but the evil i do not want is what i keep on doing. now if i do what i do not want, it is no longer i who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
maybe sarah rogers knew something he didn't. ]
i, an atheist, am feeling so persecuted for my lack of christian knowledge right now
pretty sure no one in the bible considered that actual evil brainwashing was a thing that anyone'd have to be worried about happening, bucky.
[ or like. maybe they'd see it as the same as being possessed, in which case, still, there's a difference between the demon inhabiting the body and the actual human soul, right? look steve was as devout a catholic as anybody in their neighborhood but this is all a bit much, even for him. ]
well and truly jesus christ, preach
god save the kids, 'cause the adults couldn't.
i don't know. i don't know. i feel like i'm just holding you back. like that's all i've been doing all this time, and i just never figured it out 'til now.
no subject
fuck it straight to hell, bucky, you know i'd be dead a million times over without you. you kept me alive when i was too sick and stubborn to take care of myself, you kept me alive through the war—you kept me alive when you didn't even know my name anymore. all you've ever been is good for me.
i'm the man i am cuz i had you with me showing me the good parts of the world. without you i'd have only ever seen what there was to hate in it. i knew love through you before i knew what it was i was learning.
"holding me back" my ass. fuck that.
no subject
i would've done all of that for you anyway, steve. you're too good for the world to even have.
[ and what am i, if not a gaping wound in your heart and soul? ]
i want to worth it for you. as close to it as i can get.
no subject
you are worth it. you don't have to do anything to earn it, you just are. same as i was worth it to you before the serum.
[ ...he assumes. look, there are things that must be constants across the multiverse, right, that's gotta be one of them. otherwise why is bucky even here? ]